A worst day in my entire life!!! :'(

BLOGGY!!! yesterday my grandma passed away... It's so shocking to me... cos she's the only person who shares sorrows and happiness with me... she's the person who looks after when i was discharged from the hospital... she's the one who encourages me to study hard in my exams... she's the person i respect the most and l0oved the most... why must i come to this world the see my grandma go?! WHY?! it's not fair to me... i was going to my cousin's place after visiting my grandma at tan tock seng... when i'm in the hospital... i see my grandma in the ICU suffering makes my heart sink... i cried in the hospital... my mum told me not to cry... so i had to control my tears... when i went into the ICU room my grandma told me something but i can't hear what is she talking... *still controling my tears* i told my mum to call the nurse in... so the nurse came in i told her that my grandma needed something... but she can't understand my grandma... so i told my grandma speak slowly... when she keeps on pulling the string *that was tied on her hands to prevent her from pulling the tubes off her face... if not she will be in danger*... she trying to tell me to free her... then slowly i understand what she wants... she wants to eat something... she's having gastric pain... so i told her to wait later the nurse will give her something to eat... she listened to me... then she settled down... not long i held her hands and did a prayer for her... then all of a sudden she held my hang tightly... *means she's in pain and she's having heart attack* so i told the STUPID IDIOTIC nurse that my grandma was in pain... then she told me "no, your grandma is very energetic..." my heart said "what nonsense is this?! my grandma is suffering and you are telling me this?!" it's not my 1st time seeing my grandma like this... sometimes it happens at home... i stay 1 whole hour in the ICU room with her... after that i went back to my cousin's place for a while... 5 minutes later i received a call from my dad... he said my grandma might not make it through... so i rushed back to the hospital again... then when i reached there... my aunt said that my grandma went into a deep coma... i rushed into the room to wake her up but it's no use... i told her that she promised me to see me graduate from U... but she's like answering me... with her mouth moving... she's like telling me goodbye... i told her you can't leave me in this world... who's going to take care of me after school?? who's going to cook for me?? i told her i promised her that i'll study hard unless you wake up and go home... i promised her that i'll get top 10 again in school... not long her heart beat slowed down... my uncle came in and said ma i'll take care of myself, don't worry about me... i think when she heard that she going to leave the world... her heart beat dropped... and her blood pressure dropped alot... then my grandma shed a little tear on her eyes... then the doctor came in... he said you have to stay outside... i screamed and called out for my grandma... he asked a question "do you want me to save your mum for a while because i think she can't take it anymore..." nobody said anything because my eldest uncle haven't reached yet... so i said YES... then the doctor save her for a little while only... all my relatives came in to see my grandma and everyone cried... then lastly my uncle came in and call my grandma... it's like she heard my uncle and sleep till she died... at that moment i kneel down... i told my grandma... "ma ma, i beg you wake up... i want to bring you home... you must take care of me... i need you in my life... you're the person i love the most..." then we have to leave the ICU... I screamed again to call out for her... then my mum said that ma ma is happy to see me and everyone around her... she said that everyone managed to send her off to the whole... i cried and cried... i went back to the other grandma's place... my mum called there and my grandma said not to go into her place... so my cousin and my aunt took the things down for us... then we went home... i cried until i had a very bad headache till i sleep... this is a worst day ever in my entire life!!! i HATE MY LIFE!!! I HATE TO SEE MY GRANDMA LEAVE ME!!! I HATE THE WHOLE!!! I HATE WHO MAKES MY FUTURE LIKE THAT!!! *my grandma's birthday is 25th march 1926 in chinese, zodiac rabbit, death- 15th november 2004, 4th october in chinese, 6pm... GRANDMA I WANT TO TELL YOU I LOVE YOU... THANKS FOR TAKING CARE OF ME WHEN I YOUNG TILL NOW... YOU'RE THE BEST GRANDMA I EVER HAD... I LOVE YOU FOREVER!!!